Smoke Signals - Too High, Too Often

I’ve smoked weed for nearly eight years. Not every single day, but if we’re being honest, most days. It started like it does for a lot of people: with friends, laughing too hard, feeling the music deeper than ever before. I remember hearing Britney Spears' "Soda Pop" in noise-canceling headphones and thinking it was the best thing I’d ever heard. Same with Sabrina Claudio. I remember my best friend (ex-mormon) was smoking weed with me for his very first time, and I forced him to sit in my car and listen to 'Unravel Me' by Sabrina Claudio full blast, so I could live vicariously through his experience.

I loved weed. I still do. But I’ve also come to realize that loving something doesn’t mean it can’t start to weigh you down.

There have been times when smoking was joyful and expansive. And then there were times when it was my escape hatch. After loss, during burnout, or when I was in physical pain from chronic back issues, weed went from being something I enjoyed to something I relied on. That shift wasn’t immediate, but it was real. One day you’re smoking a bowl with friends; the next, you’re smoking eight 1-gram pre-rolls to yourself in a day because your body hurts and your mind is exhausted.

I come from a long line of smokers. My parents, grandparents, great-grandparents. It’s in my bones. So smoking never felt like a red flag. It felt like tradition. Like comfort. But slowly, it started chipping away at the parts of me I really love: my creativity, my ability to feel joy organically, my spark and most of all my memory!

And it wasn’t just what happened when I was high. It was who I became when I wasn’t. I was irritable, impatient, disconnected. I started noticing how short my fuse got over tiny inconveniences. I started needing to smoke before doing anything: eating, creating, even relaxing. If I wasn’t high, I wasn’t present. And that’s when I realized: this isn’t about weed being "bad." This is about my relationship with it being out of balance.

Weed was never supposed to be my crutch. It was supposed to enhance, not numb. And when I leaned on it too hard, it started numbing everything, even the good stuff.

A new friend and healer (Shanese Thomas) recently said something that really stuck with me, I will have to paraphrase because she had just given me Reiki and I was in a bit of an altered severely relaxed state ;) but basically she believes the cannabis plant is trying to reclaim its true purpose. That as it becomes more commercialized and overused, the spirit of the plant is pushing back. That if we abuse her, she loses her magic. And maybe that’s why more people are feeling the urge to quit or dial it back.

It made me wonder if the plant knows when it’s being used with intention versus when it’s being used to escape. 

So I didn’t "quit" weed. I just started listening to my body. I wanted to return to the joy. To the magic. To the version of myself that danced to Britney & Sabrina with a silly grin on my face because the music felt like pure electricity coursing through my veins.

Now, I’m reshaping my relationship with weed. I still love to smoke. But I want to do it with reverence. With balance. With clarity.

If you’ve been feeling like weed isn’t hitting the way it used to — not in a tolerance kind of way, but in a soul kind of way — maybe it’s time for a reset. You don’t have to swear it off forever. Just start paying attention. That’s where the shift begins. 

5 Herbs I Lean On When I’m Taking a T-Break:

When I’m easing off weed, I still want that comfort of lighting something up — just without the THC. These herbs help me stay grounded, calm, and connected to ritual:

1. Mullein – My go-to for lung support and a smooth, neutral smoke. It’s gentle and grounding.

2. Wild Dagga – Has a mellow, mood-lifting effect. It’s like the warm hug of the herb world.

3. Damiana – Helps ease anxiety and feels slightly euphoric. I love this one when I want to feel open and relaxed.

4. Blue Lotus – Subtle but deeply relaxing. Great for winding down, journaling, or dream work.

5. Raspberry Leaf – Light, slightly sweet, and balancing. I like this one for emotional regulation and hormonal support.

+ Slumber & Venus Tea Tokes – When I want something ready to go, these are my favorites. Slumber is perfect for winding down, and Venus is my go-to when I want something heart-opening and luxurious without the high.

These herbs let me keep the ritual without losing myself in the high.